I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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