A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
