Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize