Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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