So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
