I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
