I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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