It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Randomize
