She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
