if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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