he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
