how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize