Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
