i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
