So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
