I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
