if you like me you must not know who I am
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
