My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
