Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
