PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ttyl tear gas
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
