I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
