Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
