I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
