2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
