Define "chronic" masturbator.
My hand turned me down
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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