I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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