I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
