you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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