I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
