But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
