I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
