Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
