Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
