Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
