Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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