Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
