Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
