im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
