also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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