Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
