My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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