i barfeds in our rink
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
