Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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