I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
