guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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