Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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