You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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