It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
