I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize