It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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