I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
