I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize