saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we're making bets on your personal life
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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