I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
