I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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