Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Randomize
