i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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