Do you still have your period?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just googled if crying burns calories
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize