When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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