I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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