She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
