I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
