i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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